dogs and other such feelings: utterance 1

let this hang out here in the open as we continue:

i have an itch in the bottom of my scrotum and i am refraining from doing anything about it!

so to continue,

what is a dog?

pain or joy or irritation etc. are accepted emotions

but dog is never seen as an emotion

often i am in dog

sometimes i burst out in dog

dog for me is a feeling

a feeling that seems more intimate to me than the ecstasy of an orgasm

but at the same time dog is a feeling i betray often in public shamelessly

but people dont realise such expressions

since in their vocabulary dog is a noun that does not correspond to feeling

this is why i am cranky and frustrated

and not because of the itch on my scrotum

no one understands my feeling

how can you feel something you cannot register?

but my girl smells something

she is not sure of it but she suspects that dog and me have something going

in bed when she is really happy she lets me do the dog on her

and i feel all dog

you know a friend of mine has this theory that men became what we are now because of the fact that we fuck front on unlike other animals

but i think to fuck from the back and still see the face is the next step in evolution

boy can i talk

hey i will be back with more dog things to say for now i have to vigorously scratch my balls

A day off

sitting here staring at the screen

listening to cypress hill

its one of the days when i feel that my biography ought to be called a life gone to whack

what you wanna hear from me

since the you i am referring to is totally in the minus

guess i will just cut the crap

there’s no risk of anyone coming in to greet me in my parlour

and there’s nowhere else i will be found for a while

so i stick my dick in the air

and blow out the smoke from my mighty J

walking the way of the masters who always rolled another joint

two in one: episode 2

a man who falls in love has an unresolvable imp in him

rather than humor the imp who i love more than my woman

who is more than my friend brother father or god

who is so close to me that the difference between me and him are impercievable

rather than humor the imp

i would choose to surrender to another unknown

for the strangeness

for i rather take the pain of heartbreak

than succumb to the realest thing there ever is

i am talking about the imp here

basically

i am trying to escape myself

because in the futility of trying to do that i learn new selves for myself

i become other over and over again

sometimes that is good for the imp

most other times it wounds him

at the end of the day

its just a question of

how comfortable you can get with a stony oily blood streaked creature

glowering at you from some dark corner of your eye

i get quiet comfortable with this angry guy

and his every irksome eccentricity

i love him too

but we have decided to not fly for a while

right now the winds are quiet confusing for either of us to navigate

but sure as hell a day will come when we will fly

and thats all we wait for before death

why do they want to die to kill me?

people killing people is not uncommon

it happens a lot everyday all over the world

150+ people were killed

over a period of 3 days in mumbai in the terrorist attacks

it took me back to my childhood in delhi during the days of the sikh genocide that happened there in ‘84

i never felt afraid of terrorists but i was afraid of terrorism

i was afraid of being blown away by a bomb

it’s the situation of fear

but this time i didn’t feel shit

everyday you hear of so many people dying

the death count is just a number

some of my friends were betting about the death toll

just like they would bet on the score

that tendulkar would get out on

we are so busy in the stress of making the rent, making the next call time, making out, making plans for the coffee, cleaning up, doing nothing,watching tv, eating home delivery, shopping, doing so many many many things that a terrorist attack like a traffic jam is just another irksome inconvenience

a terrorist attack is just a blimp on

an otherwise limp day

but then such attacks have an influence on the government

i guess

the over concern shown by a lot of media

is quiet see through in its shallowness

they are doing the terrorists job

“hey be afraid

there are terrorists in mumbai

be very afraid”

they manage to spread more terror than the terrorists

ultimately a terrorist attack is like a natural calamity

if you die in it i think you can make an insurance claim

well that’s not going to make my mother feel any better

if i die that way

we cannot punish fidayeen, they are kamikaze

maybe torture them a lot before killing them

maybe give them life imprisonment

what difference is it going to make

there will be more fidayeen

and more attacks and more excited media bullshit

i am not that well informed about international politics

or privy to any of the info that intelligence, foreign affairs or the defense establishment has to analyze the causes of this situation

so i cannot say anyhting critical about all of this

so the only question that comes to mind in the light of this attack

is why there are people ready to die to kill me

and i look towards the governement to come up with some answers