dogs and other such feelings: utterance 1
let this hang out here in the open as we continue:
i have an itch in the bottom of my scrotum and i am refraining from doing anything about it!
so to continue,
what is a dog?
pain or joy or irritation etc. are accepted emotions
but dog is never seen as an emotion
often i am in dog
sometimes i burst out in dog
dog for me is a feeling
a feeling that seems more intimate to me than the ecstasy of an orgasm
but at the same time dog is a feeling i betray often in public shamelessly
but people dont realise such expressions
since in their vocabulary dog is a noun that does not correspond to feeling
this is why i am cranky and frustrated
and not because of the itch on my scrotum
no one understands my feeling
how can you feel something you cannot register?
but my girl smells something
she is not sure of it but she suspects that dog and me have something going
in bed when she is really happy she lets me do the dog on her
and i feel all dog
you know a friend of mine has this theory that men became what we are now because of the fact that we fuck front on unlike other animals
but i think to fuck from the back and still see the face is the next step in evolution
boy can i talk
hey i will be back with more dog things to say for now i have to vigorously scratch my balls
A day off
sitting here staring at the screen
listening to cypress hill
its one of the days when i feel that my biography ought to be called a life gone to whack
what you wanna hear from me
since the you i am referring to is totally in the minus
guess i will just cut the crap
there’s no risk of anyone coming in to greet me in my parlour
and there’s nowhere else i will be found for a while
so i stick my dick in the air
and blow out the smoke from my mighty J
walking the way of the masters who always rolled another joint
two in one: episode 2
a man who falls in love has an unresolvable imp in him
rather than humor the imp who i love more than my woman
who is more than my friend brother father or god
who is so close to me that the difference between me and him are impercievable
rather than humor the imp
i would choose to surrender to another unknown
for the strangeness
for i rather take the pain of heartbreak
than succumb to the realest thing there ever is
i am talking about the imp here
basically
i am trying to escape myself
because in the futility of trying to do that i learn new selves for myself
i become other over and over again
sometimes that is good for the imp
most other times it wounds him
at the end of the day
its just a question of
how comfortable you can get with a stony oily blood streaked creature
glowering at you from some dark corner of your eye
i get quiet comfortable with this angry guy
and his every irksome eccentricity
i love him too
but we have decided to not fly for a while
right now the winds are quiet confusing for either of us to navigate
but sure as hell a day will come when we will fly
and thats all we wait for before death
why do they want to die to kill me?
people killing people is not uncommon
it happens a lot everyday all over the world
150+ people were killed
over a period of 3 days in mumbai in the terrorist attacks
it took me back to my childhood in delhi during the days of the sikh genocide that happened there in ‘84
i never felt afraid of terrorists but i was afraid of terrorism
i was afraid of being blown away by a bomb
it’s the situation of fear
but this time i didn’t feel shit
everyday you hear of so many people dying
the death count is just a number
some of my friends were betting about the death toll
just like they would bet on the score
that tendulkar would get out on
we are so busy in the stress of making the rent, making the next call time, making out, making plans for the coffee, cleaning up, doing nothing,watching tv, eating home delivery, shopping, doing so many many many things that a terrorist attack like a traffic jam is just another irksome inconvenience
a terrorist attack is just a blimp on
an otherwise limp day
but then such attacks have an influence on the government
i guess
the over concern shown by a lot of media
is quiet see through in its shallowness
they are doing the terrorists job
“hey be afraid
there are terrorists in mumbai
be very afraid”
they manage to spread more terror than the terrorists
ultimately a terrorist attack is like a natural calamity
if you die in it i think you can make an insurance claim
well that’s not going to make my mother feel any better
if i die that way
we cannot punish fidayeen, they are kamikaze
maybe torture them a lot before killing them
maybe give them life imprisonment
what difference is it going to make
there will be more fidayeen
and more attacks and more excited media bullshit
i am not that well informed about international politics
or privy to any of the info that intelligence, foreign affairs or the defense establishment has to analyze the causes of this situation
so i cannot say anyhting critical about all of this
so the only question that comes to mind in the light of this attack
is why there are people ready to die to kill me
and i look towards the governement to come up with some answers
